Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
