I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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