I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
