as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
