I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
