it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
