she looked like the bat from fern gully.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I supernannyed him into submission
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
