I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
