matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
