So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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