I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
