It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
