and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just found a bag of teeth...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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