Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
