I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
