she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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