I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
