The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
