Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
