you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
