Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
