ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
