mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize