Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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