Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm like, not good at living.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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