Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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