oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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