Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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