Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can you bring me the toilet please
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
