If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
