Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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