i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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