This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
