You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
