this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
