I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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