Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
