it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize