do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
