Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
