he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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