so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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