He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
