Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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