just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I didn't notice because vodka
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
