Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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