Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
