We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just invented taco cereal.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
