Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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