Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
