Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
