Come see our sink grown plant.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
