Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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