did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
