its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize