youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
