if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I would fuck him just for his dog
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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