He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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