You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I enjoy the company of your penis
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
