ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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