You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
