That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
