I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize