i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
