Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
