Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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