I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
